childrenofbahamutlogs | Oh, the world is dark

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Oh, the world is dark

WHO: The XVs mostly
WHAT: figuring out timeline bullshit and living arrangements
WHERE: A set of cottages by the river
WHEN:end of 2024
WARNINGS: blanket CW for depression (Noctis), suicidal ideation (Ardyn, Cor, Ravus), and general PTSD from a bunch of men that've been through hell. See subject lines for specifics

SUMMARY: The gang's all here and then some! Now what? What do you mean you don't remember..... anything I expect you to? Bahamut did what now?

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Family.

Ravus feels like time comes to a grinding halt in that moment. Just a second too long of holding his breath, frozen by such a simple word. Family. The thing that's been taken from him again and again, in ever more cruel ways. Until he's been left all alone.

Yet Noctis says it so easily, like it's a given. They're family. Somehow, despite everything, time resumes only when he realizes he's perhaps crushed Noctis up against his side a little too tightly in that brief instant. Like he might slip away forever if he lets go. As his family seems to do.

"I..." But what can he say to that? What can he possibly say that won't cheapen the sentiment, or destroy it altogether? So instead of words, Noctis is going to be find himself properly tugged into Ravus' arms, held fast against his broad chest.

"The woods," he says after a long moment, and exhales a sigh overtop Noctis' head. "I've already been lectured, rest assured."

Ravus likely doesn't notice in that moment but Noctis wheezes out a playful breath when his grip tightens. It takes a moment for him to register how deeply he's affected the other man but once he does it's not hard to put together why. After losing his mom and now his sister... who did he have left? It makes his heart ache when he really thinks about it and when Ravus does finally seem to come back to himself Noctis helps Ravus arrange him however he likes, leaning against his chest and giving Ravus a small squeeze in return.

"The woo-?!" Noct cuts himself off at the reassurance that Ignis (and Gladio, no doubt) have ripped him a new one for that bullshit. He huffs out a breath but doesn't continue to harp on him about it, he knows how it feels to screw up and have everyone around you jump on the chance to reiterate how and why you fucked up. "Well. I'm glad you're here now, at least."

Then he sighs, looking up at Ravus for a moment before glancing away once more. "I used to daydream about it, you know?" Soft, a quiet almost embarrassed admission. "You and Luna... if she hadn't pulled away. If we'd have been able to get you guys out with us... where you would have stayed, if Dad would've let me and Luna have our rooms next to each other. All the things I could've shown you in Insomnia. Especially... before I could really get out of the chair I just-" A weak shrug and a shake of his head. It's all childish fantasies, he knows that, but he'd wanted it so much.

"I missed you guys a lot."

There's enough dull, droning buzz in Ravus' head at this point that he knows he's missing words here and there. Noctis cuts himself off, but Ravus was braced for more, and the lack of that added noise to process is such a relief. The sharp cut of his shoulders slumps into an exhausted slope, even as he practically curls around the younger prince.

Ravus feels the words more than hears them. The sentiment of what could have been, and Ravus can't lie and say he hasn't had dreams of a life not wasted in the blood and dirt of a traitorous existence. Fantasies he's pushed away time and again, refused to let them hurt him. Refused to lose by not playing that game at all. Even if Lunafreya's forlorn wishing for just one more glimpse of her dear friend was a reminder of the broken pieces Ravus had been cutting his hands on for years.

But he should stop bleeding on this, he thinks. He's liable to make it Noctis' problem if he keeps letting the thoughts vibrate endlessly in his head. So much noise. Too much. It's easier to lay his cheek against the mess of dark hair, and rumble a low, affirmative sound until he trusts his voice to be steady.

"I know how dearly she missed you as well. I... I tried not to let such thoughts in as best I could. Distractions. Longing I could not channel into any means." Cutting out all the parts that didn't serve his goal, that didn't let him cling to the narrative of his hatred.

"Yeah..." Noct sighs, leans himself more heavily against Ravus, using his weight to press the larger man into the couch a little. "I get it, I think. Sometimes hope just... hurts more." What he can compare it to is so minor, unlike Ravus. The only thing he'd ever given up hope on because it was too painful to keep waiting for something that would never come..... was Prompto.

But then they started high school and suddenly there he was, at his side instead of in the shadows and Noctis' world had been brighter than he'd known it could be from that day forward. There had been no saving grace for Ravus, no one to swoop in and remind him what it was like to want to live again. And especially without Luna-

His breath catches and he has to swallow thickly before he can trust his words, as well. Talking about her will always hurt, he thinks, but avoiding talking about her would hurt more. She touched too much in both of their lives. "Oh she'd kick both our asses for thinking like that though."

"As if she needed any further ammunition to be bull-headed with me." Ravus exhales a long sigh, almost at the edge of exhausted humor. But there's a tired sadness in it too. Hope hurts more, yes, but sentiment even more so. The loss is so fresh, it's impossible not to keep clawing blood from the wound. At least, Ravus thinks, he is used to the ache of cuts so deep they will scar. The pain of loss is familiar, only on a grander scale now.

It's exhausting. Everything is exhausting, really. Strange, it was almost a kinder stress on his body and mind when he couldn't afford to stop. Now that he's slowed to a crawl, dragged to relative safety and been ordered to rest, it's almost worse. The debts he's paying his body, coupled with the warm weight of the other prince in his lap, aren't something he can ignore. Which means that after a moment of quiet, Ravus makes better use of the couch, and slumps down across the cushions. He drags Noctis with him so that he can lay on his front, and Ravus can let his aching body have some semblance of horizontal comfort.

That solemn exhaustion is something Noctis knows all too well. It's been a lifelong companion, ever-present even when he was just a boy. Something that Ravus may even remember plaguing him when he was small and in his family's care. A bone-deep tiredness that had nothing to do with his injuries and everything to do with the cruel tricks his mind played on him. Maybe especially then, dealing with the first time someone had died for him in so spectacular a fashion. At least that he could clearly remember.

Noct follows Ravus' movements easily enough. It never takes much encouragement for him to lay down, even on the best of days. Snuggled close to someone he cares for when they are both hurting so deeply? The barest implication would be enough. He only pauses long enough to tug the blanket off the back of the couch, slinging it out around his shoulders so that it drapes over the both of them when he settles down atop Ravus. Without all the layers of armor and buckles and such Noctis can't help appreciating how comfortable he is to lay against. The swell of his chest beneath Noctis' cheek cozy and warm, the thrum of his heart steady beneath his ear.

"She'd be even more bullheaded about you sleeping in the woods than me." He mumbles, one hand lifting to poke Ravus in the ribs. It's the sort of place that most people would be ticklish but he doesn't expect much of a reaction. Even as a teenager Ravus had tried so hard to be stern with them, collapsing into a tickle fight would have been too childish for a fifteen year old.

Pity... He could really benefit from laughing more.

"I know it. She..." If they'd had this argument once, they'd had it a thousand times. Because there were far worse thing Ravus put himself through than a few nights in the woods. Things she yelled at him for. Things she cried into his shoulder for. "Well, I'm sure you were privy to many of her frustrations with me."

When he's poked, Noctis at least gets some reaction. It's a long huff of breath where he's clearly trying not to make any other sound. He may no longer be a teenager, but he has to keep some semblance of dignity. Only he's too tired to keep that entirely stone expression he used to be so good at.

"Stop that." Said with so little authority.

There's a glint of wicked satisfaction in those blue eyes when he glances up at Ravus, though the silver probably can't even see it. Noct's hand hovers where it is for a moment, a smirk tugging his lips that is audible in his tone.

"Make me."

He doesn't see it. But he hardly needs to. This brat-

"Noctis," he grumbles in warning, accidentally playing all the bit of the poked bear. "Behave yourself. Or I will make you."

"Mmmhmmm" How one small sound can convey so much sass is difficult to say but it does certainly convey the impression of rolled eyes and a dismissive smirk.

For all the sass in that sound, though, he settles in against Ravus chest and sighs contentedly. The loss of Insomnia, his home, his kingdom, Luna... it all weighs heavily on him. Heavily enough that today is the first time he's gotten out of bed in days. Heavily enough that, now that he has the reassurance of Ravus safety and the warmth of his presence and the steady thrum of his heart beneath his cheek, Noct begins to doze quickly. But the fingers of one hand curl tightly in Ravus' shirt, as though worried he'll wake up again and find the man gone. And so he murmurs one word, soft and more afraid than he'll admit to later. One quiet plea as his eyes droop shut.

"Stay?"

Ravus doesn't know what will change come tomorrow. He doesn't know what will come an hour from now. His world's off its axis, and it's hard not to slide with it. But here, like this, amidst the stillness of the sleepy prince against his chest, and the warmth of a home; it's enough to find his footing, however temporary.

"Rest easy. I will be here when you wake," Ravus promises, only ever willing to say what he knows and what he means. As much as he'd like to stay here, like this, until the ache in his heart stops, he can't. But for now, they can be like this, and Ravus settles his arms loosely around Noctis to keep him close as he dozes.

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Oh, the world is dark

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