From what Cloud has been able to gather from both this Sephiroth and the younger, his recent altercations with ShinRa, and his (apparently) fractured memories...Cloud isn't so sure about Sephiroth's actions being any more his own fault than the other Firsts. Or any SOLDIERs for that matter. Jenova was not the only monster in his life. In all their lives. Cloud was just whisked away from his fight against those very monsters that worked alongside her. Enabled her. It is with a pang that he realizes Sephiroth is trying to do things to help others at his own endless expense. Lifting those around him whilst turning a purposely blind eye to himself- a self he does not fully know. It feels familiar. Close to home in an uncomfortable way the blond is not ready to unpack fully.
"You're as much a monster as any SOLDIER who got dragged into the crap ShinRa fed them. Even less if you were born into it. Jenova might be fucked up, but you weren't exactly taught or set up to be anything but a weapon. Didn't you compare yourself to a sword? I know how the Science Department worked," Cloud grimaces at that. There's horrible whispers of things like Deepground, which he knows all too well is so very real. That isn't even counting the cruel experimentation going on basically in the open at the labs- at least for those in SOLDIER to see.
"What matters is you didn't want it. You still know you didn't. That part is your nature. The actions that you took were what you were taught, or forced to do- and never agreed with at the end of the day. Doesn't mean you didn't do those things and are blameless. But I-" He hesitates, looking away. This is genuinely a little scary for Cloud to admit, and to reaffirm. To say this is a tangible start of letting go of things he hadn't realized kept him going back home: "I don't think the guy I am talking to now is a monster. Dunno if this guy right here with a chicken shitting in his lap would be able to do the things he did to innocents before with a clear head." He isn't positive, of course. Scars as deep as Cloud carries, both physical and mental, do not heal overnight or even over years. But a cold read judgment of things in the moment? Just from this conversation and the one before? It has him questioning a lot. "Doesn't look like redefining what a monster is to me. Looks like taking back your own life for once."
Cloud can feel his stomach twist into knots at the mention of how hard Jenova seems to be after him- and how deeply Sephiroth feels he needs to make things up to him. Is it fear? Anger? Frustration? ...All of the above, as well as something unfamiliar to him that makes his heart beat just a little faster. What has been done to you stands out as a little strange to Cloud. The burning of Nibelheim was more of something that happened, and not done to him directly. Most everything was a sort of something that happened to him. Did Sephiroth just let something slip? What could that be?
"I don't know what the hell that thing wants with me. Probably is a grudge over the setback. It...She? Said a lot about needing me around. With your face. Tried to control me a few times. Mostly just sent me into a state where I couldn't function. Whatever it is, and whatever happened, I haven't really felt it here."
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"You're as much a monster as any SOLDIER who got dragged into the crap ShinRa fed them. Even less if you were born into it. Jenova might be fucked up, but you weren't exactly taught or set up to be anything but a weapon. Didn't you compare yourself to a sword? I know how the Science Department worked," Cloud grimaces at that. There's horrible whispers of things like Deepground, which he knows all too well is so very real. That isn't even counting the cruel experimentation going on basically in the open at the labs- at least for those in SOLDIER to see.
"What matters is you didn't want it. You still know you didn't. That part is your nature. The actions that you took were what you were taught, or forced to do- and never agreed with at the end of the day. Doesn't mean you didn't do those things and are blameless. But I-" He hesitates, looking away. This is genuinely a little scary for Cloud to admit, and to reaffirm. To say this is a tangible start of letting go of things he hadn't realized kept him going back home: "I don't think the guy I am talking to now is a monster. Dunno if this guy right here with a chicken shitting in his lap would be able to do the things he did to innocents before with a clear head." He isn't positive, of course. Scars as deep as Cloud carries, both physical and mental, do not heal overnight or even over years. But a cold read judgment of things in the moment? Just from this conversation and the one before? It has him questioning a lot. "Doesn't look like redefining what a monster is to me. Looks like taking back your own life for once."
Cloud can feel his stomach twist into knots at the mention of how hard Jenova seems to be after him- and how deeply Sephiroth feels he needs to make things up to him. Is it fear? Anger? Frustration? ...All of the above, as well as something unfamiliar to him that makes his heart beat just a little faster. What has been done to you stands out as a little strange to Cloud. The burning of Nibelheim was more of something that happened, and not done to him directly. Most everything was a sort of something that happened to him. Did Sephiroth just let something slip? What could that be?
"I don't know what the hell that thing wants with me. Probably is a grudge over the setback. It...She? Said a lot about needing me around. With your face. Tried to control me a few times. Mostly just sent me into a state where I couldn't function. Whatever it is, and whatever happened, I haven't really felt it here."