"As I said, animals frequently don't like me. I simply avoided them in most capacities...until I met Angeal, at least."
He looks down at the chicken again when Cloud suggests thanking it, and then at his leg. "No," he says after a moment, with a faint note of wryness in his voice. "I don't think I will."
One has to draw the line in the sand.
"I admit, I don't know what to do either. How do you converse with the boy who killed you? With the boy who was right to kill you?" He looks down at the chicken again. "To someone whose life was ruined by your existence?"
There are more questions he thinks, but doesn't say, because it's not Cloud's place to be burdened with them. How does one live with guilt they can never assuage, cope with sins and failures they can never offer any recompense or atonement for? Those are his questions to answer, not Cloud's. Cloud has already had to carry the weight of others' problems enough, Sephiroth's perhaps most of all.
"I expect you have questions about...your future that I'm privy to. For now, at least, it's likely best if you don't ask them. Knowing about the memory issues you're suffering from is one of the pieces of information I have from that future, and until you've gotten your past straight, trying to understand the future as well would likely be too much for you. I've already done enough damage to you; I won't risk more." A pause. "As for the memory issues themselves...I would like to help you untangle them, but it would mean trusting my word over your own memories, and to allow me to help you...relive trauma that not only will your own mind resist, but that I had some hand in creating. I know full well how little reason and inclination you have to do that."
He strokes the chicken in his lap. "I want you to be able to see clearly. In my time...it was Tifa who helped you through those difficulties. I can never inspire the trust in you she does, or play the role she did, but perhaps...if I prove myself to you, over time, I might eventually be able to help you in my own way. But right now, I lack the tools. I could tell you everything you needed to know as we sit here, but without your trust in my words and intentions, it would either mean nothing, or make your situation far worse."
It's...important to him, that Cloud knows that Sephiroth wants to help him. That the only reason he isn't being more direct is because he recognizes how bad an idea that would be in the current circumstances. That if they can change those circumstances, together, then Sephiroth's hands will no longer be tied.
"I ask your forgiveness for nothing else - I have no right to - but in this, at least, I ask your forgiveness if I choose to hold back certain information from you about yourself. If I do so, it's because I believe it would be harmful not to."
no subject
He looks down at the chicken again when Cloud suggests thanking it, and then at his leg. "No," he says after a moment, with a faint note of wryness in his voice. "I don't think I will."
One has to draw the line in the sand.
"I admit, I don't know what to do either. How do you converse with the boy who killed you? With the boy who was right to kill you?" He looks down at the chicken again. "To someone whose life was ruined by your existence?"
There are more questions he thinks, but doesn't say, because it's not Cloud's place to be burdened with them. How does one live with guilt they can never assuage, cope with sins and failures they can never offer any recompense or atonement for? Those are his questions to answer, not Cloud's. Cloud has already had to carry the weight of others' problems enough, Sephiroth's perhaps most of all.
"I expect you have questions about...your future that I'm privy to. For now, at least, it's likely best if you don't ask them. Knowing about the memory issues you're suffering from is one of the pieces of information I have from that future, and until you've gotten your past straight, trying to understand the future as well would likely be too much for you. I've already done enough damage to you; I won't risk more." A pause. "As for the memory issues themselves...I would like to help you untangle them, but it would mean trusting my word over your own memories, and to allow me to help you...relive trauma that not only will your own mind resist, but that I had some hand in creating. I know full well how little reason and inclination you have to do that."
He strokes the chicken in his lap. "I want you to be able to see clearly. In my time...it was Tifa who helped you through those difficulties. I can never inspire the trust in you she does, or play the role she did, but perhaps...if I prove myself to you, over time, I might eventually be able to help you in my own way. But right now, I lack the tools. I could tell you everything you needed to know as we sit here, but without your trust in my words and intentions, it would either mean nothing, or make your situation far worse."
It's...important to him, that Cloud knows that Sephiroth wants to help him. That the only reason he isn't being more direct is because he recognizes how bad an idea that would be in the current circumstances. That if they can change those circumstances, together, then Sephiroth's hands will no longer be tied.
"I ask your forgiveness for nothing else - I have no right to - but in this, at least, I ask your forgiveness if I choose to hold back certain information from you about yourself. If I do so, it's because I believe it would be harmful not to."